Howzit going guys…
Believe it or not, I’m actually pretty excited to open up & share things not even my close friends or family members knew about me.
This is all part of my healing journey, & it starts with vulnerability.
It’s giving me anxiety just thinking about lol, but if I’m able to impact & inspire just one person a day who listens to this, then that’s all I’m trying to accomplish.
Please give me a like & a feel free to leave any type of feedback so I can continue to grow & create a better experience for you guys going forth.
Let’s get into it.
If you follow me on social media, you may have noticed that I haven’t been as active as I used to be…
I stopped making videos, my engagement dropped significantly, & I no longer post my usual motivational or inspirational quotes…
As positive, outgoing, & strong minded as I was or as people perceived me to be, no one really knew what I was going through behind the scenes… what was going on in my head.
From my lifetime battles with anxiety & depression & dealing with chronic OCD & ADHD…
I created this podcast to shed light on my struggles with my mental health because I know, I’m not the only one going through this.
The hardest part about this whole thing is really just trying to understand our thoughts & our feelings…
And why we think & feel things we don’t want to think or feel.
I just wanna clarify that I am not a mental health physician or therapist…
I’m simply here to share my story to inspire anyone going through the same challenges.
So here it goes…
Growing up, I always felt like something about me was off or maybe something about the way I thought & felt was different.
I never really understood why I did these random things & always questioned if other people did them too.
Certain behaviors at a young age made me wonder if something was wrong with me & why I couldn’t control them.
And as I got older, I was even more curious why these feelings or thoughts never went away…
I had so many questions, & very little real answers.
And the more I learned about my symptoms & behaviors, the more it became apparent to me that it’s not about beating your anxiety or getting rid of it…
It’s more about cooperating with the messages that come with it.
I’ve had anxiety I would say for the majority of my life.
I can’t pinpoint exactly when it first started or when i first noticed it… but looking back, certain behaviors & things I did as a kid got me thinking this entire time that I was weird or crazy!
I still think I’m weird & crazy lol.
For the most part, it’s been pretty mild & completely manageable,
But it started to get more severe over the last 2 years or so.
It is hard to observe your anxiety if you’re not paying attention, especially if you’ve lived through it for a long time.
But when you do feel any type of anxiety, you start to feel an overwhelming pressure come over you, you start to get nervous for no reason, & you start to really overthink what’s going to happen, thinking about the worst possible outcome.
Most of the time, you can easily ignore your symptoms & pretend it doesn’t exist.
And then there’s times where it just doesn’t go away, eating you up inside, to the point where it gets hard to breathe.
You play through every scenario to the point where it feels like everything is going to fall apart & even if you wanted to relax, you couldn’t.
I guess the hardest part is just that you feel so out of control.
Like how long am I going to have to deal with this?
Even when you have a moment to calm down, you still can’t relax because you’re already expecting your symptoms & anxious feelings to come back.
I know that talking about mental health is sorta like taboo because it’s the most personal & private thing someone could reveal about themselves…
But although we may feel vulnerable exposing our deepest secrets, the longer we hold it in, the more it starts to build up inside us & the more it continues to linger in our minds, preventing us from actually moving forward in life with peace of mind.
Living a life of constant worry, overthinking, & just feeling overwhelmed all the time is such a heavy burden many of us put on ourselves… a burden we don’t even have to carry!
But we must first understand the root causes of all these feelings…
And it could simply be just by talking to someone & opening up about your problems.
Your pain, your struggles, all of your fears, past trauma or experiences that drastically changed your life
You must realize that all these things you’ve been holding inside you, these built up emotions you’ve been hoarding, are literally the things holding you back from actually living life of peace & happiness… because even when you want to relax, you can’t.
Honestly, I wish more people I knew would talk more about this kinda stuff, because we are all battling our own demons inside our head, but we don’t have to battle them alone…
And that’s why I’m here to kinda guide you in ways that I’ve learned to cope.
I realized, if I really want to help people transform & change, & really make an impact on their life, I have to be the example & actually go through the process of uncovering my truth so that you can uncover yours.
- You are not your anxiety
- You are not your depression
- You are not all these feelings weighing you down
It is a lot to unpack, but you got this!
In a way, I am thankful to have gone through this experience, I know many people have it much more severe than I do, & I just want to be someone anyone could open up to about what something they’re dealing with or something they’ve struggled with in the past…
Just know that no matter how much you’re going through, there are so many others going through similar if not, harder circumstances… & the most important part is to support one another, lift each other up, & share things that have worked to help deal with our anxiety.
Once again, I am not a mental health specialist… but more like a friend, a mentor, or just someone you can open up to…
Because all we really need is for someone to just be there.