The most challenging part to creating a new identity isn’t the becoming part, but letting go of what’s been so familiar for years.
Today I’m going to talk about something I’ve actually wanted to open up about for quite some time now…
Something that has actually changed my definition of crippling anxiety….
Have you ever felt like a fraud or an imposter? or feeling like you actually don’t deserve any of your achievements or accomplishments?
Well this is called, Imposter Syndrome, which is a feeling of unworthiness, the idea that you only succeeded due to luck, OR feeling
Guys, I’ve felt like this for a while… & here’s my story.
In October of 2016 which is about 4 years ago, I started my journey as a digital entrepreneur.
Without any prior knowledge on anything related to business or entrepreneurship, or working online, I had the shiny object syndrome, jumping from one thing to the next, until I was able to find something which eventually became my rise & downfall.
I went all in into a high ticket affiliate marketing, where I invested 10s of thousands of dollars into different digital online courses & mastery retreats.
As a newbie, I struggled so much in the beginning trying to understand how making money online all worked.
It was all foreign to me, but I was so desperate for change that worked night & day to learn something new every day.
But after about 5 months, I started to get commissions more regularly, then about a year after, I was somehow able to work hard & implement things I’ve learned to become a Top 10 Income earner out of over a 100,000 members for one of the Network Marketing companies I was with at the time.
My dream of walking on stage to receive an illustrious award that only few people get to experience was one of my most memorable experience because for the first time in my life, I felt like I actually accomplished something worth mentioning & I really felt like I made it…
But what many people didn’t know was that the company I was with, had to shut down due to FTC compliance or whatever, & so I got burned, & not only that, but everyone I recruited under me got burned as well.
Guys, I had about 500 people in my downline.
I was crushed!
The reason I felt like an imposter because I was showing off this lifestyle of traveling the world & making a lot of money, & having the freedom to not worry about anything… but the things I portrayed on social media weren’t the full truth & although it’s something I’m not completely proud of, it is something I’ve learned from.
At the time, I was just doing what other successful people were doing, I was following what my mentors & successors were doing, basically I was told to fake it till I made it!
But throughout this entire experience, I learned to just be true to who I am.
Those who align & resonate with my message will continue to follow & support me.
There will be those who don’t, & that’s okay.
I was always honest about my online journey being extremely difficult, I was taught to market myself in a certain way where it seemed like if you weren’t doing it that way, you weren’t going to succeed.
I was so focused on making money & building this business that I forgot about building relationships & actually helping people & do what I say I’m going to do.
At one point, I started actually generating SOME income & traveling, & putting myself out there even more & I didn’t realize how much negative attention & criticism got to me.
I started to question my integrity, because I soon started to realize that I was giving people a different impression than what was really going on.
I felt trapped.
I didn’t know who I was becoming & why I was feeling this way.
So in order for me to stay relevant or feel credible, I would always bring up past accomplishments like, “look at what I did, or “I already know that” because I’ve been through that before, but really hadn’t done anything in a while.
Looking back, I was too much in my head…
And then I started comparing myself to other people who continued to have success while I was falling behind…
From being this confident, outspoken & self conscious individual… I started caring so much about what other people thought about me & how I was being perceived… & that’s why I stopped putting myself out there.
I know I usually come across as a humble guy, but I realize there are times when our ego can get the best of us.
Over a long period of time, I started jumping from one opportunity to the other until I just stopped completely because I thought that maybe this wasn’t for me.
Then I eventually had to go & find a job again.
Guys, to go from working online full time, then going back to a job that I had to wake up to everyday gave me so much anxiety.
It definitely helps to take a step away from posting my whole life on social media.
Because everything I did, everywhere I went, everything I ate I posted because I guess you can say I needed to get that validation from my followers in order for me to feel good about myself.
I was chasing the status of these social media influencers & although I became sort of a micro influencer, my message did not align with my vision or the thing that I really wanted for people to see, the hardships, the struggle, the behind the scenes.
Then people would ask me, what is it that you do?
And because I’ve done & tried so many different things online in a 3 year span, I really didn’t know how to give all the skills I learned a title or occupation… (marketer, sales funnel & facebook ads specialist, content creator, blogger, Youtuber, email copywriter, influencer, mentor… you name it)
When people ask me what I do, I honestly just say I work online lol.
Then they ask me, “what do you do online?”
And I literally tell them, “everything”.
It’s like having an identity crisis & this is what’s been overwhelming me.
This anxiety is definitely paralyzing me from taking action.
I guess this is where I’m stuck, feeling like an imposter.
I’m afraid of letting go of who I was & what I’ve done in order to go for what I want.
I’m afraid of being average.
There’s a quote that says, “You are not what you do”, and right now, I’m still figuring out who I am.
Whatever it is, I wanna be the best at it.
I actually learned recently that there is a category for people like me & it’s called a Multipotentialite which is someone with many interests & creative pursuits, but I’ll dive into that on a different episode.
Really, I’m just trying to figure out how I can create something with all the skills & knowledge I have, something that I’m passionate about, but more importantly, something where can I make an impact on this world & leave a legacy.
And I guess that’s what I’m doing with this podcast.
I just want to share & document my journey so that maybe it could inspire someone to stay strong & not give up.
But first, I must get back to working on my mental & physical health, & just get back the confidence I once had in myself.
When I can truly be comfortable with the person I’m becoming, I no longer need to feel like an imposter.
Get to the point in your life where you never have to question your character & self worth.
Thank you guys for listening to the end.
This is definitely me being vulnerable & it feels amazing to share & get this off my shoulders.
If you’ve been struggling with imposter syndrome or identity crisis or whatever, or you could relate to my story, please reach out & let me know your thoughts.
I’m here for you.
With that being said.
Discover how I used my journey with Anxiety to fuel my success & why I am back in Network Marketing with a whole new perspective & angle.
I look forward to working with you & helping you get to where you want to be in life.